When I first started this blog I said that I was not going to make this into a POM site where all I do is complain. That is still going to be true however no one with a chronic illness can be a constant ‘Pollyanna’ and remain honest. There are times when the frustration and sometimes even anger and other unpleasant emotions of living with constant sickness are going to get to you. No matter how good ones coping skills are, the nasty emotions that 0ne tries to hide are going to sneak up on them.
When I tell you what my new diagnosis is, your first reaction will probably be along the lines of well that’s no big deal after all it’s not life threatening like cancer or something. Well any chronic health problem is a lifetime problem; which one must cope with everyday. A couple of days ago I missed a blog because I had to stay in bed with my feet up because of swelling in my legs and feet. Well it turns out that the veins in my legs and feet are deteriorating and I will have to spend more time in bed with the old feet in the air. Just when I start to get really good at photography I have to cut back on the very things I need to do to continue it. I can’t walk around and take pics as much but that was already a problem and just needs more refining. The biggest hurdle is sitting down to edit. Does anybody out there know how to keep your feet from swelling while sitting down? If you have any tips let me know.
I’ve probably put up this picture before but to me it represents how I feel. This picture of the retaining wall was taken just after a rain. You can see the streaks going down the side. I feel like a bug that is so small it can’t be seen on the photo. That bug has just been washed out of its nice comfortable home in the woods and is scrambling to get back up to its nice safe comfortable surroundings. It’s hard and frustrating and tiring and seems never to end. Then it finds the vine and it’s so much easier to climb; it’s a relief even if its life is still harder than it was in the woods. Then it rains again and the process starts all over again. Even with the rains the bug has now found the vine and can now find relief from the constant battle of the wall. And if the bug never returns all the way back to the woods; it can make a different but still pleasant life amongst the vines.
I still have my vine, my coping skills, so I know I can still create a pleasant life for myself. Now I have put a laptop computer higher on my list of priorities. The new ones with Windows 7 have come down in price for basically the same computer I was looking at. That's a good thing. Meanwhile I am also looking at wireless keyboards and arranging my room so I can use my computer from my bed. I’m still here and I’m still coping. I love photography enough to figure out a way to keep it in my life. Maybe this will help add drawing and painting back into my life . Who know it might end up being a blessing in disguise.