Mandala

Mandala Zentangle Style- 1st attempt

I don't remember where I found out about the You Tube demonstration on this style of Mandala but I am sure glad I did.  In case you don't know what a Mandala is; it is an ancient art form, usually a circle, which is usually used as a focus for meditation.  The making of a Mandala is also used as a type of meditation.  It is done in colored sand in some monasteries by monks in the present day.  I've seen pictures and videos of it being done and it is fascinating.  The reason I don't remember where I found this style is because I found it a while ago and never got up the courage to try this new technique even though I liked the look and had done some Mandalas in the past.  But with reading 'The Sound of Paper' by Julie Cameron I gathered my courage and tried it.  It was wonderful!!!!  Making it turned out to be a form of meditation and a GREAT distraction from the pain.  I started on it last night and got lost in it, losing track of time AND PAIN.  It didn't take away the pain because when I stopped there was an immediate return of the pain; I was just lost in the creation and not paying attention to the pain.  Just like hypnosis does not take away the pain, it just takes your mind elsewhere.  I had my last three babies with hypnosis; while my body was busy and in full labor, my mind was on the beach relaxing.  The pain was still there though; I know because one Doctor walked in touched me on the leg and said 'time to wake up an have this baby' and I came right out of the hypnosis in the middle of a 'let's push this baby out' contraction and promptly panicked;  I've even had stitches in my neck without even having had a local while using hypnosis.   I wish I could stay in a state of hypnosis at times, but it does have it's limits like laying down and being still and not really accomplishing anything (except for having a baby).  I think I will try another one and be a little more adventurous and use some color.

Below is the You tube demonstration if you would like to try it.

Sorry sometimes I get down

Step by painful step

Pain, pain and more pain

Times of down spirits.

Diagnosis after diagnosis

When will it stop?

Lack of color in my life.

New day, color coming back.

Some dark, some light.

Beautiful contrast

Take a look 

Enjoy 

Taking baby steps back

Learning, coping, lifting spirit.

  Can always come back

To see the beauty of life.

Color in my life.

I am always in pain for me it is a matter of degree.  For the last couple of days my pain level has been extreme. I have pretty well learned to cope with pain and be able to see the beauty of the world.  Most people do not know that I am in pain all the time.  A couple of years ago I remember an afternoon of being pain free but other than that I don't remember being pain free.  Even on narcotics I am not pain free and believe me I know if I forget to take them.  On a scale of 1 to 10 my pain doctor and I try to keep my pain level under 5 and I have learned to cope pretty well at that point; not too much pain and not too groggy.  It's when the pain goes above 9 or stays above 8 for more than a day that I have a hard time.  My pain level has been above 8 for about 4 days now.  I went to the ortho doctor yesterday and he told me that my knee swelling and hurting could go on for another 6 to 8 months.  I really don't want this kind of pain for another 6 to 8 months even  if it is off and on, and that's just the point at which he would start to worry it could go on longer.  I told him about the vitamin d deficiency and the pain in my shin and he was real concerned about my having a stress fracture.  He had an x-ray taken; no stress fracture but calcium deposits in the muscles in front of my shins.  He said he didn't know what was causing them but they could be very painful equivalent to a stress fracture.  He also said that I now needed to be careful with my exercise so that I don't get a stress fracture and to come back immediately for an x-ray if I have any increase in pain. Between the pain, the doctors concern over fractures AND a new diagnosis I am feeling quite overwhelmed.  when I got home I started to research calcium deposits and the causes. None of the causes where pleasant and most of the causes required a different doctor to diagnosis it.  I could spend a lot of time and money just getting the cause so a treatment can be started. BIG TIME SIGH.

I've kind of resorted to chocolate, ice cream, caffeinated non-diet soda, and TV as comfort foods and distractions.  I even went so far as to watch SYFY movies. Actually I kind of like them they remind me of the B-movies I used to watch as a kid on TV or at the Dundee theater for 50 cents.  Then at college the good old 'Creature Features- Fiendish tales of......' where everyone would gather in the dorm lounge to watch, with bowls of popcorn, camaraderie, and where I learned to make no-bake cookies during commercials.  Also with SYFY movies you never know whose going to die sometimes a good guy will bite the dust while the bad guy goes on living, sometimes the sweet couple survives, and sometimes like the one I just finished watching where the monster ape killed everybody.  I don't often watch these movies i have to be in the mood which I must be because I'm on my second one (Halloween marathon)Sigh

I did get up and take some pictures this morning which did sort of get me a baby step in the right direction and the picture and poem above are the result of that baby step.  Hopefully tomorrow will be more and bigger steps back to seeing more color and beauty

Johnina:'C heading back to :^A

Suggestions please

I really not been having a very good day today or even for several days; between the heat and the pain I have felt like death warmed over.  Nausea, pain that won't go away,weak, just plain not feeling well. I've spent a lot of time crying only to have the crying cause a migraine with even worse nausea.  I've tried everything I can think of to feel better and find something to settle my stomach; just looking at me you can see I am losing weight from feeling so rotten. I've worked hard at distraction, but that's not working very well.  I know this is a POM post but if I can get some suggestions maybe I will get one to help.

Thanks-  Johnina  :^c  hopefully soon to be back to :^D 

A different kind of pain

Boredom

Most hospitals are not known for their decor and the two hospitals I was at were no exception.  Blinds on the window, maybe some drapery sashes at the top and if you are really lucky a picture on the wall.  My room had a pretty nice scene form my window, but still it was small and to change it you had to get out of bed which was painful but actually helpful in recovery..  I took several photos out my window from different angles and then cropped and edited them differently which helped me to cope with time and the distract me from the pain.

Sylvan Grove; the rehab hospital encouraged patients to bring pictures and belongings from home, of course then you had to sign a waiver so the hospital was not responsible for them.  I noticed that those who had pictures or quilts or such from home got better so much faster and went home earlier after having passed their goals.  In the rehab hospital goals are set up for being able to take care of yourself and when you reach those goals you go home, if you take too long you go to a nursing home.  I went home a little over a week early.
One of the things that the nurses attributed to this early going home especially since I should have been there longer due to me many medical problems was my computer.  They were amazed at how much having the computer with me helped me in spite of the fact there was no wi-fi.  I could listen to music, movies of my choice, edit my photos, organize my photo.  Where all patients have TV how often is nothing on and you watch because you are bored and stay bored.  With my computer I stayed more alert and active and complained a whole lot less or so I was told, because I had my choice of activity due to having a laptop computer.  One of the therapist bought a laptop before I left because she saw how versatile it was.
I have packed for the hospital many time for many years and over the years what I bring has became more tech savvy form walkmans to MP3's to laptop computers and what I bring continues to help me through the tough hospital stays.

The clouds are the stars #3

What a long hard tiring day.  Spent most of it in doctors offices, first the orthopedist, then the pain doctor and most of the rest of the time talking to doctors offices making appointments.  I really don't like days like this that just serve to remind me of my illnesses.  This one was worst then normal, after I fell the orthopedist waited several weeks before doing a MRI so that just in case the injuries were relatively minor we wouldn't be doing an unnecessary test (good doctor) and maybe they would heal on their  own.  No such luck I had the MRI last week and took it to him to look at today.  He came in and said yes I did tear the cartilage in my knee, however the arthritis in my knee looked worse than he expected. He took x-rays of my knee with me standing up and when he brought them into the room and put them up on the light box he inhaled deeply and said "Oh, my...(sigh)".  I knew I was in trouble than.  He said the only thing to do was a total knee replacement if I wanted any pain relief and wanted to continue walking. So we scheduled surgery and it had to be in a hurry because the insurance company and the hospital are having a contract dispute and after July 1 Spalding Regional may not be on our insurance list and with Obama care I'm in real doubt as to which way this is going to go and so are the doctors.  So probably June 22 is going to be the day. Anyway I did some editing for distraction and fun and a little denial.  All three of the long skinny photos started out the same but where edited differently.  I probably could have done a lot more and had more fun but I'm tired and I didn't even open my computer till after 7 and I am more than ready to go to sleep.  I am glad I did the blog; it did give me a distraction then a time to vent before  I went to sleep.  I hope you all enjoy the cloud pictures for the day.  I hope I'm giving you enough variety for the theme that I suggested for the week so you don't get bored.  if you do just leave it in the comments, promise you won't hurt my feelings.

Johnina

Desperately seeking distraction

Distractions

Pain, horrible pain

need to go elsewhere-

to escape- to dream- to discover other places

Safe places- quiet places- beautiful places

peaceful- restful- still.

Or maybe...

exciting places, dramatic places, places of wonder

eye-catching, unique, creative.

Then again maybe...

Thoughtful places- contemplative places- reflective places

meditative, eyes closed, relaxed.

Wherever I find- whatever I find- whoever I find

provides a soothing balm

for the

Pain, horrible pain.
                                                                           © Johnina Young

                                                                                           

Today I am desperately seeking distraction from the pain.  I'm having horrendous after-effects from the IVIG yesterday.  Every muscle and joint in my body H U R T S; even though I took my MS Contin this morning ( I take this everyday for my fibromyalsia and neuorapathy, etc.) and then took lor-tab for the break-through pain, on a scale of 1-10 my pain is still an 8. Could be worse but still hard to tolerate.  I've done some editing but only simple editing and only to the point of where frustration might start as is the case with the above photo.  I really like this photo but I'm really having a hard time with the highlights being too bright, but I included it anyway cuz I like it.

Mostly today I've been checking out the blogs that I love and finding new ones; as reflected in the poem above.  Something I haven't done for a while.  I haven't checked on my favorite blogs because I have been sleeping so much and I don't often write poetry because it is something that has to come from deep inside and just come out somehow.  I don't know how or why; it just does.

 Today I found a blog that I have always enjoyed but have never noticed before how little attention it gets.  I think many more people would enjoy this blog and the other blog Carol does if they only knew about it.  So check it out:

http://caromoom.blogspot.com/

It is a delightful photography site. 

I have quite a few sites listed on the right hand side of my blog.  All those listed I have found personally to be delightful, interesting, thoughtful, insightful, and sometimes distracting in a very good and helpful way.

For those of you who follow my blog and enjoy it and have a blog list that you personally follow on your site; I would appreciate very much being included on that list.   Thanks so much for your support of me and all the kind comments I get.  Thanks even more for sharing your thoughts and lives and the beautiful world we all live in; it has helped get me through many of my ups and downs.  You are all a blessing in my life.
Thanks again,  Love,  Johnina

Is the treatment ...

Every three weeks I go in for my IVIG and I think of the saying "Is the cure worst than the disease ?".  I know for sure that this treatment is so much better than being in the hospital every 2 weeks for 2 weeks which is what was happening before the doctors discovered that my body was not making immunoglubulin like it was supposed to.  So every three weeks I go in get hooked up to an IV for several hours.  I took my computer with me this time and edited some of pictures that I took the day before; after I had an MRI on my knee.  I had no idea how the edit was going to turn out on the picture above when I was doing it, but I was totally delighted with the outcome.

This is the photo I started with.

I turned it on it's side slightly.  Did a mirror image.  Turned it to B&W.  Cropped it.  And finally using an effect called reflections I got the art work at the top of this blog.  (using Corel's Paint Shop Pro X3)  If you look closely you can see the image of the tree branch at the top and the lantern throughout.  This really helped pass the time in a really most pleasant way.  I also did some other more conventional editing of the flowers outside the Imaging clinic where I had my MRI done and some flowers I saw on the roadside.

However the worst part of the IVIG comes later in the day and usually I like to run errand over in Fayetteville or take a photo op and for the most part I am able to do that with no problems.  Today was an exception; I was starving because it took longer than usual as my regular nurse was on vacation, so I stopped and ate.  Diabetics can't wait too long before they eat, and ever since I've been trying to toss it back up.  Not a good thing.  I went to one store to window shop (no money) and had to leave because I was getting so sick.

Came home took something to settle my stomach and laid down and serendipity-wise it was a good thing cuz it stormed, thunder and lightning right over the house, then the lights went out.  I was certainly glad not to be out in it.  I went to sleep and woke up with the typical IVIG all over "Oh, boy does every muscle ache, and gee my head hurts even worse." on top of trying to toss my lunch.  Now you know why I think of "Is the cure..."

Thankfully it only lasts a day or two and I do have a good diversion to help distract me.  This time I have lots of new photos to edit so my days can be as pleasant as possible.  I am so grateful for being lead to this great hobby of photography for the distraction, but mostly for being able to capture and enjoy the beauty that surrounds me.

Migraine distraction

This edit with directions is brought to you by my migraine. I did the edit in an effort to distract myself from the pain. Got enough pain killers in me so it was tolerable but unfortunately I slept for the next day and a half. N ow I'm awake and the pain is back full force and once again I need a distraction so I'm putting down the directions. You however do not have to have a migraine to follow my directions.

Edit directions:
Picture #1 is the original I chose it because of the central figure and the bright distinct colors. But this might be a good time to use an out of focus or very blurred photo you were going to throw out.
Picture #2 I used the CPS (Corel Paint Shop Pro Ultimate-30 day free trial) curves program. I left the red, blue and green together. It looks like a graph with a diagonal line across it. Approximately 1/3 of the way across I pulled the line to the top of the graph and about 2/3 of the way I pull the line to the bottom of the graph. I adjust from there till I get the colors I like. Save the photo. For one it makes a nice pic all by itself but also because you are about to change programs. I did not like the tools on this program for smudging. Each program works a little different which is why I use so many.
Picture #3 Next I used Gimp (freeware I downloaded from cnet.com). I used the smudge tool set at large brush size; directions for use are across the bottom of the screen. I went across the screen at a 45* angle, covering well but not worrying about being perfect. Next I went over it horizontally than the opposite direction at a 45* angle then vertically. At this point I zoomed to 100% and taking the photo square by square and overlapping slightly I go horizontally over the whole picture this is where you work on making the whole picture smooth and work out any missed spots. Go back to 25% and check to make sure your overlaps are smooth. Save the Photo.
Picture #4 Go back to CPS go to effects, go to artist effects, go to bubbles and balls. Set bubble size to 75%. Set opacity to a low setting. Set bump map to stone. Set environment to electic. This is a fun place to play to get whatever effect you want. There are too many settings to list them all here most I left at default anyway. I then went to Picasa 3 (freeware downloaded from cnet.com) for text and signed it. I then went to picnic (free on the Internet, small charge for upgrade) for border. Save Photo