Saturday, October 2, 2010
Ups and Downs and Elephants
When I got to the doctors office I was sweating badly; usually this means low blood sugar or a start into shock. Went in had low blood pressure, when they used the pulse/ox meter my heart was pounding and my oxygen level was 90. Nothing was really bad but it wasn't good either. They had me do some deep breathing and shaking and rubbing my hands and my ox level went up to 97 which kept me out of the hospital ER. This was probably due to the Addisons and my body was short of steroids. Stress is stress be it good or bad and in this case the good stress was getting to me. Talked to the physician's assistant about my knee and the continued swelling and pain and was told it could continue for six months to a year. She also agreed that since I have had a vitamin D deficiency for so long I probably did have soft bones, I was tested for osteoporosis and did not have a problem there. But soft bones is not easy to diagnosis mostly it is through a vitamin D deficiency and bone pain and could have been one of the reasons for the extra pain that I have had. This could also take six months to a year to heal. Meanwhile I have metal pressing down on soft painful bones. Much more pain than bone on bone at times. I also no longer make my own endorphins so the pain levels are higher for me anyway. By the time I left all I wanted to do was go home curl up and cry.
"It is difficult to commit to living where we are, how we are. It is difficult and it is necessary. In order to make art, we must first make an artful life, a life rich enough and diverse enough to give us fuel. We must strive to see the beauty in where we are planted, even if we are planted somewhere that feels very foreign to our own nature. In New York, I must work to connect to the parts of the city that feed my imagination and bring me a sense of richness and diversity instead of mere overcrowding and sameness. In California, my friend must work to do the same. If we are not willing to work in this way, we become victims. If we become victims, we first become choiceless and than become voiceless. Our art dries up at the root. We must, as the elders advise us, bloom where we are planted."