Sunday, January 10, 2010

Frustration calmed

I have been very frustrated lately almost to the point of being depressed. I have had a real hard time recuperating from this last hospital stay and illness. If I think and add up how long I've been sick or rather sicker than normal it's been over 2 months. My health has been somewhat up and down but even on the up side I've been sicker than normal. I don't know why and lately I've been getting tired of the struggle. I wish I had felt better when my family was here so I could have spent more time with them; as it was they went and did things without me. Although in some ways it was good and some of it I would have done anyway so the siblings could spend time together without Mom around. Emily and Laura have not spent time together for well over a year and it was good for them to be alone together but there were times I wish I could have joined them. Even now I'm still having really rough days where all I want to do is sleep. I had several days last week were maybe I was awake for 3 or 4 hours and even for that time I had to struggle to stay awake. I've wanted to catch up with my friends both here and on the Internet and I've felt guilty for not answering their good wishes and inquiries and because I felt guilty it made it harder to do, the old guilt cycle that does no one any good. I've also missed taking photos. Normally I can go out and take some pictures and get out of my funk, but between being sick and the cold that has not happened like I would like. To top things off our Internet connection has been iffy at best. I would be doing or trying to get caught up and the Internet would go down. Thank goodness the blog saves itself every couple of minutes so I haven't lost to much on my blog but I've lost many a photo download or comment. Anyway enough of the POM I'll tell you what I did today to pull myself out of it with the help of the Lord and my friends, my serendipity.
I woke up today not feeling well and having slept wrong on my ankle so I was in pain and having a HARD time walking, pop, pop, pop. I took care of the ankle, ice and wrap, and got my meds and breakfast. I got back into bed and read my church lessons so even though I could not go I could still get in touch with the spirit and learn what I would have learned at church. It's not as good but still MUCH better than moping and doing nothing. I felt much better after doing the reading; my spirit was lifted up by focusing on the Lord. I napped for a little while than I decided to catch up with some of my friends. I made great progress still not done but progress is being made. This helped relieve the guilt cycle. In catching up with my friends I was reminded of looking at the posted photos and commenting more than just "nice photo" which I had started to do because it's easy and fast. In doing the quick look and comment I was not getting anything out of the pictures. So today I went back to really looking at the photo and analyzing what I like about them and writing that in the comments. What a difference it made; I felt better, I learned more and those I made comments to responded so much better. I even got friend requests from out of the blue, people I'd never had contact with. Serendipity or if you put good vibes out you get good back. There was a new group started today to help with analyzing photos and being able to make meaningful comments, I was one of the first invited to join and I am really looking forward to it. Even the Internet interruptions didn't bother me as bad when the Internet went down I just edited a photo or napped. Just short naps today. The picture above is the photo I edited today.
Photo edit:
I used Corel paint shop ultimate that I download a free trial on I used the HDR edit program that comes with the complete program. This was my second try at HDR, but it still didn't seem right to me. This is a picture of a stream that drains a swamp by my house. I drove by it the day before and it was frozen, but on this day it was sunny and the swamp was thawing. As I was standing there taking the picture I could hear the ice cracking; it was very LOUD and kind of scary. I kept experimenting with the editing program and when I came across this edit my brain said that's it. In looking at it I realized that the photo edit looked like what I would think the BOOM of the ice cracking further up the swamp would look like. Again Serendipity.

1 comment:

jeannette stgermain said...

Some people I know more closely have the disease you have. So, the frustration and daily fight is familiar to me.
But do not accept any guilt, my friend. That is certainly not from God, but comes from his enemy! Take life as it is, and hold on to your promise of healing (I don't care whatever the natural progression of your disease is, but God is bigger than that!)

About the internet connection: do you have a high speed internet package? I'm not knowledgeable in that area, but it seemed that when we got a higher speed pacakege, the better connection we had...

You have guts, standing on the ice while it's cracking! That's the artistic in you: a sudden knowing: this is it. There's no greater joy, is it, than to capture that?