I'm not going to stay down and out

After the last post I ended up going to the ER in adrenal crisis from a seizure from earlier that day, they stabilized me and sent my home telling me to make an appt. with my primary care doc in the next couple of days.  So the next day I called explained what happened in the ER and they made an appt for that afternoon and this is a doc who usually has a long wait even if you are sick.  Tom drove me there and while waiting for the appt I had a seizure.  It's amazing how you can upset people even in a doctor's office when you display symptoms in front of them, the receptionist got this deer in the headlights look and had a hard time collecting herself to get the nurse, who then came out saw me shaking, got a wheelchair and rush me into the back and got the doctor; who by the way came immediately; they accessed my condition as best as possible; some vital signs were not able to be taken due to the tremendous tremors and sent  me directly to the hospital across the street.  Now I'd been seen in this office many times since the tremors started last fall and had complained numerous times about the tremors and seizures and he knew that I was going to a neurologist so he wasn't to awfully concerned and he knows I do seek help when I need it, but I really don't think he believed me when I tried to explain how bad the tremors and seizure had become until he actually saw one.  But as everyone knows seeing is believing and guess what? doctors are people too, so sometimes it holds true for them too.
Then on to the second most horrid hospital visit I have made and I spend a lot of time in hospitals (one year I was that hospital off and on for six months of that year) so I have many experiences with which to judge it by; First they left me in the waiting room for over an hour, even though the doctor had called ahead for a direct admit and I was still having tremendous tremors. If my doctor had known they didn't have a room he would have sent me to the ER to receive treatment as he has done in the past.  Finally in the hospital I saw two other specialists with two different ideas of how I should be treated; one wanted to keep me on the same meds and just adjust the dosage, the other wanted to take me off some meds and replace others.The second major communications error started here with the first not writing down to leave me on the same meds, but the second writing new orders.  Then the pharmacy there decided that some of the new meds were to dangerous for me to take and refused to send the meds up.  The nurses were informed but not any of the doctor, gee they had three to choose from, but they didn't choose to inform any of them so I got to go through withdrawal and return or worsening of symptoms.  Then at midnight they switched to a completely different computer system for which they had  been poorly trained for- they had only been shown how to use it not taught to use it.  I heard more swearing out of the nurses over the next couple of days.  It really slowed down the patient care as they tried to figure out the system got frustrated and finally doing what needed to be done and writing it down to be input later.  Not a good thing to have happen.
Because I had been sent directly to the hospital I did not have time to go home and pack so I had none of my comfort items with me except my computer, but when we tried to hook up to the hospital Internet we got an unsafe warning notice.  We tried a couple of different ways to hook into the system, we kept getting different ways to hook up when we asked and finally gave up.  So I tried to do other things with my computer and couldn't get it to work right and I thought it was because I wasn't thinking straight so I sent it home(Jeremy could not get it to work right  at home so it was not really my fault).  Now I had nothing; not even my stuffed lion who goes with me every time or my music (more on how I cope with hospitals later as this getting long).  I was put in isolation due to past MRSA infections (don't they know that isolation is a form of punishment they use in jails for naughty inmates) and on top of that while I slept the they put an alarm that went off if I even sat up too much.  It scared me to death well almost cause I'm still alive. I was just miserable the whole time with one problem after another.
However now that I am home and I have ranted and raved and told the world how horrible things have been for me and am once again gaining strength and am lucid enough to think and I may have to use my husbands computer and some of my older pics because my computer  ( my main contact with the outside world especially now- no driving and basically housebound) is down and out for awhile  I can now stick out my tongue at all my troubles

and once again see the BEAUTY ALL AROUND ME.  I have picked out a few of my favorite older pics that were on my husbands computer or on backups and I hope that you will enjoy the beauty that I have seen.

ENJOY ☺☺☺Johnina☺☺☺

PS Sorry about the spelling&grammar I'm still not thinking good enough to go back and edit my errors.

My personal storm

Now to why I have not been posting recently.  It seems I have had something of a manic-depressive month.  I have have had the joys of my sons wedding, with 5 of 6 kids and 5 of 10 grandchildren at home.  I can't think of anything better than that; to the lows of being tentatively diagnosed with a brain tumor. (MRI has since ruled that out) And just like the leaves in this picture I have been tossed to and fro.

Add like with our spring storms I have cried me plenty of tears of both joy and sorrow.  Sometimes the spring rain is gentle and made you feel like dancing in the puddles and sometimes it is rough and stings and makes you want to go inside.  My son has been happier since he met his wife than I had seen him in years and at the wedding he glowed.  I know usually people talk about how the bride glows on her wedding day but this was a time when the groom glowed equally as bright.  Great tears of joy and if I had been able I'd have been up dancing with my girls, bride included.  Pictures to follow on a post in a few days to explain that one.  I have cried a river of tears for my health, and like a heavy rain I retreated inside.  A bad move on my part as it kept me from sources of comfort and compassion.  My family knowing of my troubles broke through as best they could but I did tend to cut them off too and then I cut myself out of other sources like this blog, my photography and the friends I have made through these sources.  Why is it that at the worst of times we often do the worst for ourselves?  On top of all the medical problems I have; last fall I started having neurological problems and I had them checked out and they weren't too bad so I just dealt with them.  Then the two month migraine and sinus infection which cleared up but then I started sleeping 16-20 hrs. per day; having severe problems with memory and concentration, having severe tremors several times a day, seizures every couple of days, walking into walls or falling if a wall was not handy, constant headache, total lack of control of my blood sugar both high and low, and I can't keep myself hydrated. All this came on quickly and I felt like the Unicorn from the 'Last Unicorn' when she was turned into a human and was therefore mortal when she said 'I can feel this body dying all around me.'  I certainly felt my body falling apart all around me.  To the doctors I went; where the first tests showed that I should have a pituitary tumor.  Okay so this is bad news but most of these tumors are benign are fairly simple to remove, they go up through your mouth behind your sinus, and then my problems could go away, maybe even problems I've been plagued with for years.  I still cried a lot because of the what ifs and then the neurologist starts talking about me having a brain tumor, which is a lot more iffy.  Anyway an MRI was ordered and good news- bad news 'no tumor' the biggest bad news with this is the doctor said that basically I would just have to learn to live with it.  The results were sent to my primary care doctor and he agreed with the neurologist.  I have simply been sick for so long and on so many medications that my brain has basically been fried.  All this took place in amongst and just after the wedding festivities.  I'm in the process of finding another neurologist for a second opinion and trying to come off some of my meds but if I didn't need them I wouldn't be taking them. I can tell you every medicine I take and how it helps me so we'll see how this goes.

I don't want to leave you on such a sad note so I will show you I still have not lost my sense of humor. During one dark and stormy night our lights went out and living in the boonies it gets real dark, but I was hungry and so I felt around for the flashlight (I have recently found phones work well till you can find your flashlight) got me a yogurt and figuring I could eat it in the dark sat in the recliner, turned off the flashlight, and on the first bite- plop- the yogurt went right down the front of my shirt. Flashlight came back on and I balanced it in the arm of the chair and noticed the shadow puppets my feet were making on the wall. My wolf howling at the moon. Hope you get a chuckle out of it like I did.

Johnina

Storm pic

I found this photo of Weds afternoon as the storms were coming in.  This is typical of our spring storms and as I walked out of the doctors office it stuck me how fast a storm can move in, with the bright blue sky followed by the storm clouds so I snapped this shot.  It is my understanding that there is only a 10-15 min warning for a tornado and looking at this picture you can understand why.

Spring Storms Aftermath

I still do not have any pictures to post at first it was to stay out of the way of the rescuers; now I can't bear the thought of going where I have taken photos or had planned on photographing and seeing the destruction.  I drive through that part of  of Spalding county on a regular basis and quite often pick out beautiful places to go back to photograph later and some of which I had not photographed yet and I really don't want to see those places destroyed. I know this is trivial compared to the loss of life (luckily only 2 died in Spalding county- if you saw the destruction in Spalding on Fox news you know lucky is a good word)as of yesterday seven mobile homes were still missing- yes I said missing- they were probably so torn up by the tornadoes that only pieces will be found; 400 homes and 30 businesses were damaged or destroyed. But all this has brought to my mind how quickly lives can change and how sometimes opportunities are lost forever. For those who lost their lives it is the ultimate in lost opportunities both for themselves and for those who survived them.  This is kind of the hard lesson to learn --- to appreciate what you have and treasure what you have while you have it.

Spring Storms Update

Fox news has been showing quite a few pictures of Spalding County Georgia and the destruction there which is the county I live in.  Jeremy got called into work today due to the fact that so many of his fellow workers could not get to work due to blocked roads.  Tom's trip to work today went from a 19 mile drive to a 40 mile drive due to blocked roads. Our neighborhood was certainly lucky as the extent of our problems from the storm is we only lost power for a some time last night.  Johnina

Spring Storms

It has been a while since I have posted, due to my own personal storms, but I wanted to let my friends know that I am fine and survived the horrific weather we have had here.  I would like you to keep the storm survivors in your thoughts and prayers especially for the daughter of my heart, Emily Graves (Jeremy's girlfriend), although she has moved out on her own, her dad and sister are fine even though they were at the family home when a tornado hit and destroyed part of the home.  As of now there are still 7 of her former neighbors, people she grew up with, missing.  The rest of my family who were in the storms path are fine, although Laura did spend some time in her bathroom in the tub with her boys as it was the safest place in the house.  I'm staying inside to stay out of the way of the destruction and rescue efforts so no pics from me, but the news is doing a good job of covering the storms and the aftermath, FOX news in particular is doing an excellent job and is available on the web.    Johnina

Early Spring Garden

 

An all new assortment of flowers from my garden.

Enjoy

☺☺☺Johnina ☺☺☺