Fantasy, dream or goal

Since I have been making progress on my knees and being able to walk with greater ease; it is now time to work on my arm and hand damage.  I have neuropathy in my right arm and hand and have had two surgeries to keep my arm and hand working.  At one point I had to teach myself to write again much less paint or draw, but after many months I was able to do that.  I discovered that some of the skills the artistic skills never really left; I just had to learn to control the pencil or brush again; the artist eye was never lost which is why I took to photography so fast.  Photography became another way to artistically express myself.  At first it seemed easier just to look for the composition and than push the shutter.  I have since learned that there is more to it than that to be able to fully express myself to my fullest artistic ability and I'm still learning that and enjoying the learning process.  However the best rehabilitation for my arm and hand is drawing and painting.  When I fell and hurt my knee; I grabbed a handrail and re-injured my arm and hand and untill now I really did not take the time to work on rehab for it.

I enjoy fantasy novels and drawing fantasy figures and creatures.  I find I enjoy making the differences and the freedom of composition creating such drawings provide.  Many fairy tales are  great metaphors for life.   For many years now I have wanted to write a fantasy novel as a metaphor for my life and maybe a way to do some healing.  I have actually started this project.  It is in a pink notebook with some pictures, character descriptions, a few scenes and dialogues.  Like the title describes is this just fantasy for me, a way to take me out of this world for awhile or is it a dream to work on occasionally to make me feel like I'm making progress or a goal to be set and worked and reworked until progress is made and the novel completed?  I've been thinking about this since I was offered a blog award but one of the requirements was to tell several things about yourself that others don't know and this is on of my secret fantasies, dreams, goals that most people do not know about.  This is a biggie for me.  Do any of you out there have secret goals or dreams that seem at times impossible (cuz if you thought it was possible or easy you would tell others and do it)?  Tell someone or put it in the comments and maybe serendipity will find a way to make your dreams come true. 

Doctors, Doctors and more Doctors

What a beautiful day.  I don't know what it is about this summer but we have had the most gorgeous cloud formations.  There were so many today that I finally had to get out of the car and take some photos.  This is the first time since my surgery that I have done that.  I pulled over to the side of the road several times to take pictures of things that I found interesting but mostly I just took the pics from inside the car.  Another step in the right direction for getting back to normal.  Today was a little cooler, in the lower 90's,which while still hot is still cooler than it has been.  The heat has been a real deterant to getting out but this week I have had so many doctors appointments and when I add physical therapy to it most of this week I have had to make two trips out per day.

Foot doctor- had to have sore on my heel checked, I had developed a bedsore while in the hospital, which turned black and needed to be treated.  It is now almost healed and the doctor trusted Tom and I to finish up the process or return if need be.

Infectious disease- this is the doctor who controls the IVIG and last week I looked so bad the nurse was a little hesitant to give me my dose.  They took all kinds of blood tests and I needed to see the doctor for the results.  All the tests came back just fine and the doctor now agrees with the pain doctor that my problems are from withdrawal and the surgery having been a little hard on me.

Pain doctor- This doctor decided that I needed to slow down on coming off the pain meds, take them on a regular basis, not worry about taking it as needed just take it, this is going to slow down coming off the meds, but hopefully it will help me not be so miserable.  Of course this means it could take months to come of these particular pain killers.  All medicines should be given on a risk vs benefits basis because there is no such thing as a medicine without side effects or at least potential ones.  I would never have wanted to go through surgery recuperation without the pain killers but the upset painful insides, chills, lethargy and occasional headache from the withdrawal has been the pits.

Tomorrow I see my primary care just for a check up, but I've developed a couple of cysts that need to be checked. Maybe he'll have some ideas on how to get rid of this constant nausea, any suggestions for my friends out there would be appreciated, too.

On top of that I go to physical therapy 3 times a weeks.  It's kind of exhausting me.  I'm still rebuilding my strength and sitting with my knee at a 90* angle makes my knee hurt worse than any thing else and I'm doing a lot of that between driving and sitting in the doctor's offices.  Not fun.

However on the way to Wal-Mart from one of the doctors I noticed a building that I see all the time and pulled over and just started taking photos from different angle and distances and I noticed what wonderful graphic quality the building and windows had.  When I got home I just had to edit it to see what I could get from my photos.  I edited this complete with taking out power lines.  Taking out power lines that goes sideways across bricks is not easy, but I got a lot of practice cuz it went all the way across the photo, but I was quite pleased with the results even if the were not perfect.  I really like the graphic effect of the bricks with the windows. The open ones and the broken ones.

ENJOY and have a good night

Johnina  :^A

Cabin Fever and Back on the road again

One of the worst things about being in a state of recuperation is even though I may be able to get out some it involves getting a ride.  So for the most part all I get out to do is go to doctors and physical therapy.  It's not quite as bad as the boredom in the hospital but still cabin fever can set in pretty bad after a couple of weeks no matter how good or bad I feel.  The song 'Cabin Fever'  from the 'Muppet's Treasure Island' keeps going through my head, it's kind of stuck there.  If you have never heard it; here it is:

I have had a breakthrough as I can now drive.  I don't have to make sure of a  ride, hooray, as I really don't like to inconvience others with my doctors visits my IVIG visits are 3 hrs plus a 45 min ride each way and my physical therapy is 45 min minimum.  That's a lot of time for someone to spend with nothing for them to accomplish.  Besides I like to stop to take pictures or shop on my own or go to the library without feeling like I need to hurry; where I can look around and find new and interesting things in all the places I go.  Besides I love to drive by myself and if you have been following my blog you know I love to sing while I drive.  It made me so happy to be able to drive I put it down on paper:

Leaps and bounds..and two steps backwards

The collage is titled 'Leaps and bounds' not because the spiders were moving; these are really sedate spiders; they just kind of hang around unless they get scared then they can move real fast across their web. It is titled leaps and bounds because it shows my progress.  The pictures were taken the same day; from all different viewpoints; and different places.  I could walk around (a little)

but best of all suddenly I could bend and twist to get shots from varies angles.  Suddenly I have times of no pain even if it is still only rarely.  Mostly I no longer need to use my walker; my cane works well and I can walk around the house although for the most part I have to use the furniture to balance.

One of the best things about my new found abilities is being able to cook again.  I'm not up to big fancy meals but I can cook simple things.  My kitchen is such that I have to stand to cook.  We do have stools but they are to tall for me to sit on. But anyway now I can cook funky foods that only I like.  This is one of my favorites- Deluxe Tuna Melts- I make grilled cheese and substitute Provolone for American cheese and sprinkle Parmesan on the Provolone, then grill and when I flip, I put tuna salad on top and cover to heat the tuna.  It is a little strange, but I really like it, a couple of the kids think it's OK but not really enough to make it maybe more than once or twice a year and since only one child is at home it doesn't get made very often unless I make it.  This is a giant leap,comparing it to what I could do in the hospital; one of the things that you have to be able to do before you leave the hospital is to be able to brush your teeth.  Cooking with no support is a long way from having

to hold on to my walker for support to brush my teeth.

This has also given me the opportunity to go back on my diet.  I asked for Wal-Mart gift cards for my B-day so I can get the treats I like on my diet.  My weight stabilized while I was down with my knee but it's time to get back up and start again.

My two steps back in the title comes from my medication.  My laziness is not my fault; it is a side effect of the medications that I am taking and it is not just sleepiness or drowsiness; it is lethargy, that 'I don't care if I move Thank You' kind of feeling even if there is no reason for it.  I first talked to the pharmacist than the Doctor and they both agree that a great deal of my not getting things done is due to the medication induced lethargy, sorry about that.  Worse still is it gets worse as I cut done on my pain killers so as I feel better in some ways I feel worse in others. It's a struggle and sometime I feel like the runner who keeps falling down and than getting up only to fall again.  I will get up again and keep on going so please have patience with me. I had my knee replaced to improve my life and I have faith that it will especially with all the well wishes and prayers in my behalf.   

Better and better

I've been feeling better and better and today while sorting through my drawing equipement and and sketches, surprise! I found this card.  I had gotten it from the Atl Symphony shop when I still had season tickets, so it really was a surprise to find it in amoungst the drawing stuff and serendipity that it went with the Wayne Dyer PBS special I just saw.  So here is the card that so accurately expresses my wishes for my friends.

                                                                                                                

                                                                                                         

LOVE,  Johnina

Serendipity from pain

Tonight was a terrible night for pain.  It had been getting very much better, but not tonight, I was just kind of drifting for a little while after taking my pain breakthrough medicine, but then my knee and leg got to hurting so bad I got up to go find some kind of distraction.  To my delight PBS had a Wayne Dyer special on "The Power of Intention one of his books and seminars.  I am a great fan of his and have found that his books contain great wisdom.  This special was a great reminder of how self centered I have become with the pain I am in.  Granted I have had to have a lot of help, which couldn't be helped but I also have not been showing appreciation like I should.  I have developed many kind and wonderful friends on the Internet, some of whom check my blog every day.  I should have been leaving messages letting them know how I am doing.  It doesn't have to take much and it is something that I feel real guilty about when I check my sites and find I've been missed and I have not taken any time to let others know I miss them too.  Wayne Dyer is really big on intentions, as you think then act, you will receive in kind.  If you want abundance you have to think in terms of gratitude.  He went through several mindsets for getting what you want in life. Kindness which I have received but not given back very well lately. Finding beauty everywhere from the well dressed to the homeless, From flowers and butterflies to roaches and spiders, there is beauty everywhere and I have tried to capture that with my camera.  He talked about how we all have a mission in life and I think my camera and my effort to capture the beauty around me and sharing it is part of my mission which is probably one of the reasons his special hit me so hard, it's time to get back to that part of my mission and to get back to my wonderful friends.  Below is some of the beauty that I have capture with my camera lens over the last week or so.