Coping

Learning how to cope with major medical problems is not easy and sometimes it can just about overwhelm me.  I do cope and learn to deal with my situation and try real hard to look for the good , there is always a reason for our trials and things to learn from it.  I think of all the wonderful people I would never have met without my medical problems, the compassion and tolerance I have learned and of course the persistence that I have developed.

At one of the mother- daughter get togethers at church when Emily was a teenager, we played a game kind of like the newlywed game from tv where we were asked questions and tried to guess what the other said.  Anyway one of the questions was what has your mother taught you.  All the other girls answered something like mom taught me to bake cookies or some such thing but Emily answered that I taught her persistence.  How much better is it to have taught my daughter a character trait like persistence than baking cookies; which I would have liked to have done more of but was limited by my body.

Anyway I am learning to cope in new ways, healthier ways hence the picture of the shoes as they illustrate my healthier way to cope.  Because of the medication I take causes my tendons to weaken and not heal after injury so now I have a permantly sprained ankle.  It swells to various degrees and makes shoes a challenge.  For the most part lace up tennis shoes fit the bill but sometimes only slippers will fit.  This is not so bad a home but going out is another thing altogether.  Church was a special problem in that I think one should look their best and I always wear a dress as does most everyone else.  I learned to ignore the fact that I had sport shoes on sometimes, but now I think deep down it still bothered me.  I never got the nerve to wear slippers to church.  Tom wanted me to wear a nice dress that I have and had not worn in a long time due to the shoe problem so Tom took me shoe shopping, what a pain, will the shoes fit if my feet swell, which foot would be the most swollen or would both be swollen or neither of them swollen.  Royal pain and frustration one shoe would fit and the other didn’t.  This time however the problem was solved by Tom’s suggestion that we buy two pairs in two sizes.  It worked real well, I wore one shoe of one size and the other of the other size and nobody knew the difference.  It was great, so much better for my ego and my spirits.  Coping better and better  all the time.

I keep on keeping on.

ENJOY

☺☺☺Johnina☺☺☺

A different kind of pain

Boredom

Most hospitals are not known for their decor and the two hospitals I was at were no exception.  Blinds on the window, maybe some drapery sashes at the top and if you are really lucky a picture on the wall.  My room had a pretty nice scene form my window, but still it was small and to change it you had to get out of bed which was painful but actually helpful in recovery..  I took several photos out my window from different angles and then cropped and edited them differently which helped me to cope with time and the distract me from the pain.

Sylvan Grove; the rehab hospital encouraged patients to bring pictures and belongings from home, of course then you had to sign a waiver so the hospital was not responsible for them.  I noticed that those who had pictures or quilts or such from home got better so much faster and went home earlier after having passed their goals.  In the rehab hospital goals are set up for being able to take care of yourself and when you reach those goals you go home, if you take too long you go to a nursing home.  I went home a little over a week early.
One of the things that the nurses attributed to this early going home especially since I should have been there longer due to me many medical problems was my computer.  They were amazed at how much having the computer with me helped me in spite of the fact there was no wi-fi.  I could listen to music, movies of my choice, edit my photos, organize my photo.  Where all patients have TV how often is nothing on and you watch because you are bored and stay bored.  With my computer I stayed more alert and active and complained a whole lot less or so I was told, because I had my choice of activity due to having a laptop computer.  One of the therapist bought a laptop before I left because she saw how versatile it was.
I have packed for the hospital many time for many years and over the years what I bring has became more tech savvy form walkmans to MP3's to laptop computers and what I bring continues to help me through the tough hospital stays.

Migraine distraction

This edit with directions is brought to you by my migraine. I did the edit in an effort to distract myself from the pain. Got enough pain killers in me so it was tolerable but unfortunately I slept for the next day and a half. N ow I'm awake and the pain is back full force and once again I need a distraction so I'm putting down the directions. You however do not have to have a migraine to follow my directions.

Edit directions:
Picture #1 is the original I chose it because of the central figure and the bright distinct colors. But this might be a good time to use an out of focus or very blurred photo you were going to throw out.
Picture #2 I used the CPS (Corel Paint Shop Pro Ultimate-30 day free trial) curves program. I left the red, blue and green together. It looks like a graph with a diagonal line across it. Approximately 1/3 of the way across I pulled the line to the top of the graph and about 2/3 of the way I pull the line to the bottom of the graph. I adjust from there till I get the colors I like. Save the photo. For one it makes a nice pic all by itself but also because you are about to change programs. I did not like the tools on this program for smudging. Each program works a little different which is why I use so many.
Picture #3 Next I used Gimp (freeware I downloaded from cnet.com). I used the smudge tool set at large brush size; directions for use are across the bottom of the screen. I went across the screen at a 45* angle, covering well but not worrying about being perfect. Next I went over it horizontally than the opposite direction at a 45* angle then vertically. At this point I zoomed to 100% and taking the photo square by square and overlapping slightly I go horizontally over the whole picture this is where you work on making the whole picture smooth and work out any missed spots. Go back to 25% and check to make sure your overlaps are smooth. Save the Photo.
Picture #4 Go back to CPS go to effects, go to artist effects, go to bubbles and balls. Set bubble size to 75%. Set opacity to a low setting. Set bump map to stone. Set environment to electic. This is a fun place to play to get whatever effect you want. There are too many settings to list them all here most I left at default anyway. I then went to Picasa 3 (freeware downloaded from cnet.com) for text and signed it. I then went to picnic (free on the Internet, small charge for upgrade) for border. Save Photo

Honest and forthright doctors

With many years of dealing with many different doctors I have found that honest and forthright doctors has always been a blessing. I may not like what they have to say at the time, but I always need to hear what they have to say. Sometimes they knock me off my island ofcomplacency and denial and that does not feel good. Getting dunked into the cold water and again realizing I'm on an island can be quite a shocker. That's what happened to me today. I went to the third doctor about the swelling in my ankles and legs. The first saw it and diagnosed it. The second doctor, my primary care doctor confirmed the diagnosis. Both told me to keep my feet elevated, and wear compression hose and I would probably be fine. Well I knew that keeping my feet elevated would cut into my computer time and I certainly was not looking forward to wearing compression stockings, but the consequences were to great. As a diabetic I already had poor circulation which was contributing to my neuropathy and eventually could lead to amputation (not a pleasant thought). Having the small veins in my legs deteriorating was adding to this possibility. Well today I went to the foot doctor because my efforts were not working well. Now this is were the honest and forthright comes in; he told me that the reality of the situation was the compression socks were very difficult to put on and most people who had them gave up wearing them because of the difficulty. Since I have neuropathy in my hands and have had past surgeries in my hands putting the stocking on would be impossible and he went out to show me what they were like. Okay so in honesty that option was out. Then he told me that I needed to keep my feet raised above my heart level for at least an hour at least 4 times a day. Well that was a little longer than I expected; a little more than try to keep your feet up. He also wants me to avoid sitting at a desk for any length of time. Okay, okay that really cuts down on editing and being on a site or writing a blog. Tom is currently looking to see what we can do about a laptop for me.
On top of that I keep spraining my ankle because I have permanently stretched out tendons. I can't have surgery because of my health and I can't wear a brace because of the poor circulation and swelling. That certainly cuts down on my forays to take photographs. Unless I am on a completely flat surface, I can feel my ankles shift while I walk. I have already started to work on that problem; I'm learning to take pictures from the inside of the car or on streets and sidewalks. All the pictures that I have posted tonight was taken one of those ways and for the most part they came out. I'm glad I have a telephoto lens. A lot of the shaking I've had problems with has come from the car shaking. I did some art edits with some of the picture since they were just for fun so I had some fun with them.
I've cried some (well quite a bit) from the reality check but thanks to the family grapevine I was able to talk to Sarah, my eldest daughter, for quite awhile and get some good advice and felt much better afterward. She grew up pretty smart and I'm thankful for all my family. Our grapevine works well and Emily, my youngest daughter called too and wanted to know if I wanted to talk. Pretty nice family, huh.
All in all I will survive and I will develop more coping skills so I can go back to enjoying my life again.

New diagnosis 2

When I first started this blog I said that I was not going to make this into a POM site where all I do is complain. That is still going to be true however no one with a chronic illness can be a constant ‘Pollyanna’ and remain honest. There are times when the frustration and sometimes even anger and other unpleasant emotions of living with constant sickness are going to get to you. No matter how good ones coping skills are, the nasty emotions that 0ne tries to hide are going to sneak up on them.
When I tell you what my new diagnosis is, your first reaction will probably be along the lines of well that’s no big deal after all it’s not life threatening like cancer or something. Well any chronic health problem is a lifetime problem; which one must cope with everyday. A couple of days ago I missed a blog because I had to stay in bed with my feet up because of swelling in my legs and feet. Well it turns out that the veins in my legs and feet are deteriorating and I will have to spend more time in bed with the old feet in the air. Just when I start to get really good at photography I have to cut back on the very things I need to do to continue it. I can’t walk around and take pics as much but that was already a problem and just needs more refining. The biggest hurdle is sitting down to edit. Does anybody out there know how to keep your feet from swelling while sitting down? If you have any tips let me know.
I’ve probably put up this picture before but to me it represents how I feel. This picture of the retaining wall was taken just after a rain. You can see the streaks going down the side. I feel like a bug that is so small it can’t be seen on the photo. That bug has just been washed out of its nice comfortable home in the woods and is scrambling to get back up to its nice safe comfortable surroundings. It’s hard and frustrating and tiring and seems never to end. Then it finds the vine and it’s so much easier to climb; it’s a relief even if its life is still harder than it was in the woods. Then it rains again and the process starts all over again. Even with the rains the bug has now found the vine and can now find relief from the constant battle of the wall. And if the bug never returns all the way back to the woods; it can make a different but still pleasant life amongst the vines.
I still have my vine, my coping skills, so I know I can still create a pleasant life for myself. Now I have put a laptop computer higher on my list of priorities. The new ones with Windows 7 have come down in price for basically the same computer I was looking at. That's a good thing. Meanwhile I am also looking at wireless keyboards and arranging my room so I can use my computer from my bed. I’m still here and I’m still coping. I love photography enough to figure out a way to keep it in my life. Maybe this will help add drawing and painting back into my life . Who know it might end up being a blessing in disguise.