Yesterday I got up feeling pretty good and excited about going to get my newly fixed camera. I got my breakfast. Rascal made sure that I got my walk in. I had a nice chat with a friend on Yahoo Messenger I don't have many friends on there yet but I am enjoying learning how to use it. This friend in particular is always pleasant to chat with. Even with all this I was clean and fresh and ready to go when Tom was. Since we had to go to Fayetteville we ran other errands, but when we got my camera I was so excited. The lens was so beautiful, so clear, so shiny; I hadn't realized how scratched my lens had gotten and I couldn't wait to see what a difference the new lens was going to make. On the way home we made a little sidetrack to get a picture of the Griffin Elephant. In the south at one time Kudzu was planted to prevent erosion along the roadsides. Unfortunately it is VERY invasive and grows over everthing. It will grow over some pretty large trees; softening the look and making them kind of cloud-like and quite often you can see shapes in them. This one just happens to look like an elephant running down the side of the road. Immediately after viewing the photos I saw how much clearer the picture was even the colors were clearer.
When we pulled into the driveway butterflies scattered as we parked the car. My cypress vine attracts them but they don't often let anyone get close. I did happen to capture this one. I didn't have a lot of time to take photos as I had a doctors appointment and still had to eat lunch, besides the batteries were not fully charged and were about to die on me so I had to stop even though I would have loved to continue to click away.
When I got to the doctors office I was sweating badly; usually this means low blood sugar or a start into shock. Went in had low blood pressure, when they used the pulse/ox meter my heart was pounding and my oxygen level was 90. Nothing was really bad but it wasn't good either. They had me do some deep breathing and shaking and rubbing my hands and my ox level went up to 97 which kept me out of the hospital ER. This was probably due to the Addisons and my body was short of steroids. Stress is stress be it good or bad and in this case the good stress was getting to me. Talked to the physician's assistant about my knee and the continued swelling and pain and was told it could continue for six months to a year. She also agreed that since I have had a vitamin D deficiency for so long I probably did have soft bones, I was tested for osteoporosis and did not have a problem there. But soft bones is not easy to diagnosis mostly it is through a vitamin D deficiency and bone pain and could have been one of the reasons for the extra pain that I have had. This could also take six months to a year to heal. Meanwhile I have metal pressing down on soft painful bones. Much more pain than bone on bone at times. I also no longer make my own endorphins so the pain levels are higher for me anyway. By the time I left all I wanted to do was go home curl up and cry.
But I didn't, I read in "The Sound of Paper" by Julia Cameron where she is talking about her and a friend living in places they do not like and she gave me a new perspective. I may not like where I am physically but this is where I am and I have to work with it. This is what she said
"
It is difficult to commit to living where we are, how we are. It is difficult and it is necessary. In order to make art, we must first make an artful life, a life rich enough and diverse enough to give us fuel. We must strive to see the beauty in where we are planted, even if we are planted somewhere that feels very foreign to our own nature. In New York, I must work to connect to the parts of the city that feed my imagination and bring me a sense of richness and diversity instead of mere overcrowding and sameness. In California, my friend must work to do the same. If we are not willing to work in this way, we become victims. If we become victims, we first become choiceless and than become voiceless. Our art dries up at the root. We must, as the elders advise us, bloom where we are planted."
So this morning I decided to go out and find some beauty to enjoy and to share. My first stop was to my winter garden where my winter veggies are coming up; radishes, carrots, lettuce, cabbage, beets, and salad greens.
I than turned toward our backyard and the woods freshly lit by the morning sun.
Our small woodpile complete with spiderwebs and the first of the autumn leaves trapped in amongst the cut up wood.
Pine cones on the woodland floor caught in the early morning light. Beautiful in the soft light and deep shadows.
And more beauty at my feet. I was so glad to have rediscovered Julia Cameron and to found this book at the library. It has helped to put things back in perspective for me, helped me to once again find the beauty in the world and once I find the beauty in the world I see the beauty in my life.
Johnina :^A
